The Storm Before The Calm

My creative process has many different facets.

Inspiration and opportunity usually present themselves while I’m in the middle of a distraction (i.e. driving, riding the subway, taking a shower, etc.). Personally, I always (without fail) hit a part in my creative process where I not only start to second guess EVERYTHING, but I begin a downward spiral in which I HATE every single aspect of myself as an artist, as a dancer, and even simply as a human being. It isn’t a pretty cycle, but it is how I work.

To say that dance is an emotional topic of mine would be the understatement of the century. Feel free to ask every dancer I’ve ever worked with. I’ve probably cried openly in front of them at least once during the creative process.

Definition (in this scenario): “Creative Process” – the time spanning from the initial conception of a piece of work through rehearsals and ultimately ending with the performance.

I become incredibly emotionally attached to my choreography as it is an extension of me. Therefore, when I am experience a bout of choreographer’s block, I become overtly emotional and (in essence) devastated that I can’t come up with anything new. My inspiration for writing this article is a direct result of a current case of choreographer’s block.

I have two choreographic opportunities coming up. I start rehearsals this coming week for one, and have begun preparing for another which will start in October. Yet at this point in time, I feel as if I can’t do anything with dance.

My sense of defeat initiated, I then spiral out of control to a point where I begin to question my career as a choreographer. I then move further and start to try to convince myself that I should stop dancing all together. Then I hate myself for thinking that, but continue down the same dark path.

This absurd stream of consciousness usually results in me watching videos of my past pieces of work or (if I want to make myself feel even worse about my predicament) YouTube videos of routines from So You Think You Can Dance.

I honestly can’t explain why I hit such a low point during my creative process. Back in college, I was blessed with the opportunity to choreograph two years in a row for our Experimental Dance show. Both years during the two weeks of tech rehearsals, I would get home after a long night in the theater and begin to bawl hysterically. My tears would be a release of my frustrations from comparing my work to the other choreographers, nitpicking my own work, and exacerbating whatever minor flaws were present in the evening’s run through.

I think this current case of choreographer’s block and subsequent “self hatred” kick I’m in is a result that I haven’t physically danced in a while. I mean I’ve played around in my kitchen almost every day, but that doesn’t compare to being in an actual studio with a mirror present. I know I need to take a class, to kick start my creative juices, but I just haven’t been able to yet.

To be completely honest, I assumed that when I finished this article, I would want to continue my YouTube marathon and go through half a box of tissues. Yet, I feel more empowered than ever, now that I have been able to share my struggles with you (the interwebs).

I’ll just be incredibly pretentious and hipster-like and say that my choreography is “like a Phoenix.” In that it needs to crash and burn and then rise from the ashes. So basically, hitting rock bottom is a good thing. I think…

– Michael

Dancing Defensively

So remember back in Drivers Ed when the instructor would tell you that you need to “drive defensively?” You know, being alert and conscious of what the drivers around you are doing. Well I’m going to talk about dancing defensively, a term I have coined meaning being aware of the dancers around you.

The whole idea for this came from when I was taking class. I was in a Modern class with one of my favorite teachers. Her choreography tends to incorporate a lot of big jumps and leg extensions, so it is lucky for us that her class is held in a very large studio.

I set up camp slightly to the rear of the class. As the class progressed, I somehow ended up in the middle line.  With this modern class in particular, we learn 1 phrase of the combination as part of the warm up. Once we started learning choreography, I noticed that a woman kept on creeping up in my personal space. I tried moving over and ended up almost kicking one of my friends.

I tried to brush it off, figuring that we were just learning the phrase and that later it wouldn’t be an issue. I was wrong. Come combination time, this woman was almost up my behind. Every time we finished the combination she managed to inch closer and closer, and I was starting to get really pissed off.

Why does this bother me so much?

1)      She had the entire back corner of the room to herself, kept on moving downstage.
2)      She was in my personal bubble. I like my personal space.
3)      I couldn’t dance the combination full out.
4)      I was afraid of kicking her.

I have a pretty short torso, so my height comes from my legs. I have long and stocky legs and one swift kick would render anyone in a lot of pain. I was terrified that I would either hurt this woman, or I would try to move away from her, and hit one of my friends also taking the class.

If I’m dancing, I want to be able to do it full out. So having a dancer bumper to bumper gets rid of this luxury. So here is what I ask of you. Please dance defensively. Be AWARE of those around you. Use a combination of your spatial cues and your own center of gravity to be hyper aware of your surroundings.

I’ve been in situations where a prop was left on stage, or we were dancing in an outdoor field and had to dance over an electrical cord that ran down the center of the “stage” area. You keep these in mind while you are performing because your safety is what is most important.

I remember in college, I was working on this huge group dance. There were 20 girls onstage at one time doing a contemporary/lyrical piece complete with side extensions and big turns. I remember one girl came up to me frazzled. “I’m going to kick (insert name here) in the dance, because she keeps on creeping up on me.”

My response was “Don’t worry about her. If you accidentally hit her, so be it. SHE needs to be aware that she is in your space. Maybe one brush of your foot will be enough to make her realize she is in your space.”

I am by no means advocating physical violence; I’m just saying that you need to take care of yourself first.

– Michael

Looking For A New Cubicle

At the end of this past April, I made the ultimate decision to leave my job as a marketing associate. It wasn’t a snap decision by any means, but I still wasn’t fully prepared for my departure. To say I wasn’t happy with the position would be an understatement, as I was absolutely miserable. After weeks of self-reflection, I feel I am now at a point where I can speak openly about my search for a new job.

Everyone asks, “What do you want to do?” To be perfectly honest I don’t have a 100% concrete answer. I do want to be involved with dance as long as I can and it would be wonderful if I could make dance a full time career. However, the sad thing is, when you work in the arts, you are working with limited resources.

I love dance. It is a HUGE part of my life. Yet, my life is not just dance. I have an array of other interests that include writing, media production, event planning, and even cooking (I mean who doesn’t want to open their own café?). I would love it if I could get a job that combines my interests while offering health insurance, a 401k, and vacation time.

So many people say to me “You should open your own studio.” Although I may do this in the future, I can’t right now. I have student loans and other fiscal responsibilities that require my attention first, before I can even consider investing in my own business.

Another deterrent in my current job search is time. I went to school for Marketing Communications and I have many friends who work in an agency. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do the agency-life – you can be in as early as 7am and work until 8-9pm at night. I know I’ll never be able to do this as dance, my passion, usually starts at 7pm.

I’ve even skipped on job postings once I see “some evening and weekend hours required” solely because I don’t want to have a possible conflict between my work life and my dance life. Until the arts and business merge and I can find a job with a 9-5 salary without a 9-5 commitment so I can create, teach, and perform dances, I’ll just have to find a position that will let me balance my dance life with my work life.

– Michael

Music – Sacred To Some Choreographers

Yesterday Jess and I were conversing over Gchat, and she sent me a link to this awesome video. Zoe Keating, professional musician, talks about quitting her corporate 9-5 day job to join a rock band and tour with them full time.

I immediately was smitten, as I love Zoe’s work. I inquired if Jess knew of her and she mentioned that she had a song in mind she wanted to choreograph with. Instantly I thought, Please don’t say Tetrishead, Please Don’t Say Tetrishead.

Jess responded with a link to “Sun Will Set” another beautiful song by Zoe. I was relieved as I had had been envisioning a whole piece to “Tetrishead” and didn’t want to have to compete with Jess for the opportunity.

This got me thinking. For some choreographers, such as myself, song choice is sacred almost.

I have a tendency of selecting songs to choreograph to that aren’t really popular, but by the time my piece is finished, the song will have shot to fame either via the radio, or being featured on a television show. (Even more so, it gets featured on So You Think You Can Dance – then I feel like a sellout). So much for trying to be different huh?

I also try not to choreograph to songs that others have worked with, out of respect for their work. Even though I usually think Damn, I wish I had heard that song first.  Another reason I try to refrain from using music others have already choreographed to, is to keep my work from being influenced by other dances using the same song.

Albeit, I draw inspiration from all over the place, I just don’t want to draw too many parallels between my piece and another using the same music.

Here are the two songs by Zoe Keating. Jess and I are hoping for a future collaboration with these.

– Michael

Tetrishead

Sun Will Set